In the Middle of Everywhere
by asuitablegirl
Summary: What happens when John Bates comes to his senses after leaving Anna at the end of series 2 episode 1? How does he escape from Vera? And what of Anna. Does she still love him?
1. Chapter 1

_What happens after John Bates leaves Anna at the end of ep1, series 2. How does he try to reconcile back with Anna and more importantly, can he escape from the clutches of Vera permanently.__ This is my take on what could have happened. More chapters imminent. please review. thanks_

It had been a couple of months since I had started working at The Forsythe Arms in Kirby Moorside. I could not wait to get away from Vera. After all these years of being apart, her mere voice or presence was enough to make me feel as though I was being violated. My main motivation however for returning to Yorkshire was to be closer to Anna, at least geographically if not literally. I could not bear to wait a single moment before trying to see her again. To say that I was apprehensive to meet up with her after our parting is very much understating the case. I often had nightmarish visions of the night I deserted her so abruptly and decisively. She bravely continued to beseech me, yet I turned my heart to stone and and abandoned her. Having left her in such a state of devastation, I feared for her current sanguinity and her regard for me.

I knew that she had Wednesday afternoons off, when she visited the village and the village shops. I lay in wait for her, hidden behind a tree trunk awaiting her arrival with a sense of excitement and also gloom. Presently, I saw her making her way back towards Downton Abbey. To any casual observer, she looked her usual self. But knowing her as I did, I knew she was miserable, her eyes had lost their sparkle. Her entire body and gait betrayed a kind of melancholy and loss, but then she tried to physically pull herself together to try and seem unaffected and assured. She went past the tree I was skulking behind and sat down on a bench a mere ten metres from where I stood. She had her back to me and I unashamedly continued to gaze at her as she opened a book from her bag.

There was a letter inside, which she read and reread a few times. Was it one of my letters she was reading, I wondered. She made to turn around and I darted back behind the tree. She seemed to sense something amiss but then turned her back to me again. She shut the letter and the book with a resigned sigh and picked her things up and left leaving me gazing at her.

Every week since then for the next five weeks, I would watch her as she went about her walks and felt a measure of happiness at seeing her face. As much relief as I felt in seeing her, I was also filled with indescribable self loathing at acting in an underhand manner. I had sullied her life by leaving her with a heartache the likes of which I was experiencing now. Me, I probably deserved it, but she was an untainted creature and her suffering was so unjust. However, a small part of me did feel some gratitude that she still seemed to miss me and had not completely discarded me from her heart.

I must have gotten a bit reckless and one Wednesday and she caught a glimpse of me. I quickly ducked behind the tree and made my escape through the network of tiny lanes before she could catch up with me. The ridiculousness of the situation was too absurd for me to contemplate. On the one hand, I was dying to see her, yet here I was running, nay escaping from her. This mirrored the inner turmoil in my mind. I was pining to be with her yet the sensible part of me was urging me to stay away from her to protect her and keep her away from a life of notoriety and dishonour. I continued to watch her every Wednesday but something had changed and she was always looking out for me. Oh my dearest Anna, you fill this wretched man with such joy and longing by your mere sight and your unshakable faith.


	2. Chapter 2

_All dialogues apart from John's appear in italics._

These Wednesday sojourns to see her sustained me through the rest of the week. Although, working in the pub was not as bad as I had feared especially given my drinking problems. Nevertheless being on my feet all day and making conversation with strangers, when all I wanted was to be shut in my room with my thoughts of her, was a bit trying. I had long days from noon till midnight and was grateful to get a few hours away from the pub at tea time everyday, when I would go to my rooms nearby to rest my feet, close my eyes and dream about her.

When I approached my rooms, I could see my landlady waiting for me looking somewhat excited and flustered. She was a harmless and kind soul and she did try to fuss over me from time to time. 'What is it, Mrs. Hudson? Is something the matter?'.

_'You have a visitor, Mr Bates, Mrs. Bates has come to see you. I have seated her in your rooms.'_ She looked at me expectantly.

I had not mentioned much about Vera to her, suffice to say that things were estranged between us so that she would not question my being there on my own. My heart sank, I did not want to see Vera, much less listen to her threats. I had tried to give it a go with her, but I could not bear to be in the same house, much less the same room as her. She had probably come to extract some more money from me or try to get me back to London where she could torment me at length. But it was a futile exercise. If anything, these past few months had confirmed to me that even though I did not have Anna, I could never be with Vera. I steeled myself for the upcoming ordeal and made my way up as Mrs. Hudson offered,_ 'I will bring some tea up'_. I would gladly have offered no hospitality to her but reckoned it would be a good precursor to concluding this meeting sending her on her way.

With a heavy heart, I climbed up the stairs and opened the doors to my room, which were ajar. 'What do you want now? I have no money for you anymore.'' I said as I deposited my cane and turned into the room. I was shocked to see Anna sitting at my table. She looked at me sternly,_ 'Why have you been sneaking up on me Mr. Bates? '_


	3. Chapter 3

_Anna's dialogues and her POV are in italics. Same for dialogues of Mrs. Hudson. It all gets a bit confusing, so please be patient. I am still new to this format of writing.  
><em>

_John looked at me as though he was seeing an apparition. His face soon displayed the familiar look of tenderness and longing, mixed with regret and guilt. His eyes seemed to fill up _'Anna, ' he said ' I don't know if I have longed for this moment or dreaded it.'

_I had wanted him to sweep me in his arms and shower me with kisses. However, we both needed to talk and John was never one for flattery or false assurances. He merely sat himself down opposite me and looked towards me in anticipation._

We looked at each other, wanting the other to speak before she decided to take the bull by the horns.  
><em>'<em>_I think you have treated me most abominably , Mr Bates',_she said.

'Abominably', I literally screamed. 'Everything I did was out of love and my desire to protect your honour and good name. Anna'.

_'__A good name wont make me happy or salve my wounds'_, she replied in a hurt tone.

'Do you doubt my love Anna.?', I asked nervously. Even as I asked this, I knew I was asking too much of her considering my past conduct.

_'__I didn't, but then I wondered. You did not love Vera, yet you went to prison for her. You despise Thomas and O'Brien and even then you covered up their crimes. I know you have great respect for his Lordship and his family and want to protect their good names. So you readily sacrifice my love for their indiscretions. Your never stopped to consider how all this affected me. You say you love me but all you do is treat me abominably while you treat even the people you hate with great kindness. What am I to think John? Does my happiness not matter to you at all? What wrong have I done to be discarded so callously by you?'_

She had worked herself into a state of slight hysteria and anger and could only sputter away. She got up from her chair and started agitating around the room. She railed at me and my cruelty and I let her continue as each of her words wounded my heart. These barbs, which she hailed at me were the very ones I had unwittingly stuck her with. How could I have conceived that my actions however honourable they were, would leave such great bruises. In trying to protect her and guard her, I had wounded her deeply.

It is true that I had panicked at Vera's arrival and had felt a crippling dread on listening to her threats. So much so that I had run away from Anna and my life at Downton in the misguided belief that I was safeguarding them from slander and infamy. Why did I confer such power on Vera and why was I unable to bring myself to see reason? After a few days in London with Vera, I came to my senses and started plotting my escape. I decided to leave Vera and actively pursue a divorce from her. Even then I had not picked up the courage or had the forethought to communicate with Anna.

Now she stood before me in great pain and anguish, all of which were caused by me.  
>Presently, she ran out of words, her eyes brimful of tears, pain evident in her countenance. I held my arms out to her and she hesitantly approached me. She slowly lowered herself onto my lap and put her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder. I could feel her tears on my neck and soon her entire body was wracked with pain and sobbing. I circled my arms around her and pulled her close to me, feeling a kind of relief that I was very thankful for. Relief that I was back with her again, relief that I could provide her with some comfort, relief that this nightmare of the past few months was finally coming to an end.<p>

How could I have caused so much pain and suffering to the one person who I love the most in this world? What use is honour if I cannot take care of her and bring her happiness? It was hopeless to ask her to forget me, I could never lose her from my heart. Why then did I expect her to undertake this task as a matter of course? Darling Anna, forgive this old man who lives in a world of stubborn moral codes and tries to put duty above all else. My first duty should be towards her and her happiness. As I slowly rubbed her back and neck, her tears gradually subsided and she looked at me, _'Did I see you in the village that Wednesday?'._

John sheepishly replied, 'Yes, it was me, I knew you went to the village on Wednesdays and I so longed for a glimpse of you...'

Just then Mrs. Hudson entered the room with tea and some biscuits. As she saw Anna in my embrace, she smiled. _'It is nice to see that you have reconciled. I think Mr. Bates suffers terribly in your absence.'_ Anna regained some of her composure and got up from my lap and went back to her chair. _'Thank you, Mrs. Hudson. How did you know that I was Mrs. Bates without having met me earlier?' _ _'Ah,'_ she exclaimed, _'I may be old, but I notice things. I found your picture under Mr. Bates' pillow while changing the bedding. He also he keeps another picture of you inside the book he is reading. It fell out once when I was tidying his table.' _

_Despite myself, I could not stop smiling at him as he blushed slightly. My John, so honourable, so stubborn, yet so lovelorn and anxious. She looked at my large bag and asked, 'Will you be staying long Mrs. Bates? I can bring some extra bedding and pillows for you.' 'I am on my way to see my family during my annual leave.' I explained. She seemed disappointed and exclaimed, 'That is a shame for you Mr. Bates. You already look a much different man with her around. Can't you ask her to stay a few days with you?'. _John turned to me and asked, 'Will you stay here a few days, Anna?'.

_I was very much startled at his proposition but managed to say, 'I you wish me to, I can stay for a few days. I should send a letter to my family that I will be delayed.' _


	4. Chapter 4

_***Thank you all for your kind reviews and sorry for my tardiness. i was caught in two minds about how to progress the story. i have finally reached a resolution. please continue with the feedback. It is much appreciated. As always all dialogues apart from john's are in italics.***_

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><p>I had surprised myself with my forwardness, but I was giddy with joy after seeing Anna. I never wanted to acknowledge the true measure of misery I had endured when I was separated from her. Seeing her here in my rooms, I could not bear to send her away. "Will that be alright with you, Mrs. Hudson? I can pay for the extra expenses incurred while Anna is here."<p>

"_Of course, Mr. Bates, It will be better than alright." _She left the room and I looked at Anna with a smirk, "So Mrs. Bates, you have finally arrived." She laughed heartily and it felt like everything was right in the world again. We had our tea in relative contentment and silence. As I looked at Anna, I realised that the last few months had taken their toll on her. She looked very tired, had lost a bit of her sparkle and looked thinner.

John seemed to study me and said sadly, " Haven't you been well, Anna? Maybe, you could use this time here to rest a bit. Let me look after you, if only for this short period you are here". I smiled at him in acquiescence,_ "I have been better, I am sure I will feel better soon." _He smiled with relief at me and got up with a spring to his step. With an extravagant bow of his body, he beckoned me "Let me show you around your mansion, milady. Here is our drawing room, dining room, parlour, reading room and library all rolled in one." He then showed me to a small kitchen space, a comfortable bath room and finally his bedroom. I was curious about his bedroom and pleasantly surprised to find it a charming room indeed with a reasonably large bed (enough to accommodate two in comfort). Of course the room like the rest of the house was impeccably tidy as John had always been a stickler for tidiness and discipline. He seemed a bit nervous now and hastily pointed a small wardrobe and said, "There is plenty of space in there, if you wish to unpack your clothes."

It felt very strange to be in such intimate quarters with him,considering before we had been living on virtual scraps of stolen kisses and slivers of privacy. I was properly inside a man's bedroom for the first time and I meant to share his bed. Yet I felt no awkwardness or embarrassment, rather I felt elated and was gripped by a sense of anticipation.

John moved towards his bed and sat with his feet stretched out on the mattress. He held his hand out and I joined him there. The comfort of his touch and the warmth of his large roaming hands would often caress me and soothe away my tiredness at the end of a long day. When John left, along with everything else , this had left me bereft. As my need rose, I opened a few buttons of his shirt and pulled it aside roughly. I drew a big breath against the side of his neck and and wedged my cheek against his bare skin, _"How I have missed these hands, missed the embrace of your body and comfort of your sweat". _I put my hands on his chest and placed my head against his heart. His embrace drew me close to him. He started removing my bonnet and hair pins. As my hair cascaded free, he ran his fingers through my tresses murmuring endearments in my ear. His other hand ran over my back and I felt all the tensions and nerves of the last few months disappear.

She melted into my arms and it felt so natural, so apposite. As I savoured the scent and texture of her hair and gently rubbed her back, she relaxed further and seemed to fall asleep, her head rising and falling against my chest. Oh Lord, I could stay this way all my life and not ask for anything more. However, real life always has a way of intruding into our reverie. I needed to get back to the pub in an hour or so and also had to have supper before. Much as I hated doing so, I gently roused her from my chest, cradled her in my arms and placed her head gently on the pillow. It occurred to me that this is what I really wanted out of life. Being able to hold her and love her. Everything else was secondary and without her presence, my life was but an empty shell.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks for all the comments. I am afraid the story is going to take a while to fully unfold. so please hang on. Anyone want to volunteer to be a beta reader for me. please pm me._

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><p>That night in the pub, I felt as though I was walking on air. The punters and the other barmen wondered what the matter with me was.<p>

_What was up with the staid and sober Mr Bates, they asked amongst themselves. He cannot stop beaming and he is even laughing at our silly banter. _

Nothing could wipe the smile from my lips. The last few hours seemed like the most pleasant dream to me. Suddenly the world seemed a much brighter place because my sweet Anna was by my side. The image of her lying in my bed lingered on in my mind and aroused all manner of desire in me.

Despite my euphoria, I knew I still had to be the responsible one. Anna is wholehearted and not one to do things by the half. She would give herself to me willingly and wholly, but I had to stay strong and not compromise her. Already, I had been reckless in inviting her to stay. I could not risk her getting with child and me still caught up in Vera's web. Once we gave in to temptation or rather into fully expressing our love, things could not go back to the way they were.

Still these were pleasant problems to grapple with. I would rather enjoy her presence, than brood about my ghastly marital situation. She had curtailed her visit back home using the excuse of an upcoming wedding at Downton. We would have a few days together now and she would come back to spend the last few days of her vacation with me as well. In my mind, I was already planning all manner of excursions and diversions for our time together.

By the time, I arrived back in my quarters after midnight, I wondered whether my mind had conjured up the whole encounter this evening. There was nothing to betray Anna's presence as I opened the doors. I gingerly went to my bedroom and was irrationally elated to find her sleeping on my bed.

I had lived a life of solitude for years and was quite comfortable with it. I had put up barriers which I had zealously erected to protect me from unsuitable attachments and unrealizable desires. Even in the last few years at Downton, I had not allowed myself to contemplate a life with Anna. But she sailed right through my defences and I longed to be with her more than anything. Tonight I was coming home to her, something I did not think would ever happen after Vera reappeared.

Her face was gently lit up by the moonlight illuminating through the window. It was a warm night and she was merely dressed in her night gown which had bunched up against her thighs. I drew the thin sheets around her body as much for my sake as for hers. I wondered whether to join her in bed or keep away from temptation. The desire to curl up against her and rest my arm around her waist was irresistible. Somehow, I tore myself away from her and settled into a nearby armchair. This was going to be doubly difficult with my blasted knee but I shuffled around to find a relatively comfortable position and even managed to nod off.

I must have slept for a few hours, when I woke up with the first rays of dawn. My knee was stiff beyond belief, a stringent penalty for a night of poor posture. I tried to stretch my leg and relieve my knee with little relief. Anna was still in deep slumber, her sinuous form and golden tresses a sight to behold. Her beautiful feet, which I had never noticed before caught my eye. Such slender feet and comely ankles leading towards her shapely calves. It was all I could do to stop myself from kissing them. I suppose this is what intimacy is, seeing her feet in all its natural glory.

I distracted myself by getting on with my morning ablutions and rituals. By the time, I started making breakfast, I could see her stirring and I could no longer keep away from her. I gazed longingly at her face and stroked her hair. Finally her eyes opened and she stretched out languidly.

She looked up at me with a smile and I kissed her, _"Good morning!"_

"_I don't think I have slept this well in weeks," _she chirruped.

A small pang of guilt ate away at me, _"How about some breakfast, darling?"_

The mundane ritual of breakfast was elevated into something quite joyous by her presence. I had prepared her favourite breakfast of kippers and porridge, a unique and somewhat weird combination if there was one. But she ate heartily and proclaimed it a culinary success.

Then out of the blue she remarked, _"Your knee appears to be really struggling this morning. Why couldn't you have slept in the bed last night? Would have been more comfortable for you."_

As I attempted to make light of it, an expression of mirth flirted across her face. _" Don't worry, I wont jump on you in bed. Your modesty is quite safe in my hands, Mr. Bates." _

"It is not you that I am worried about. If I allow it, my mind would think of nothing else but coupling with you. I am scared of the consequences that could befall you. You might lose your position and be cast off without any references and future prospects. I cannot bear anyone castigating you or besmirching your character", I explained.

This did not appease her.

"_I am not a rebel and nor do I want any notoriety. In normal circumstances, I would rather we became intimate after we were married. But this time of war and your absence have made me realise how fleeting happiness is. I am not going to let Vera or any one else control my life. She can't stop me from seeking my happiness", _she announced with determination.

I could not stifle a guffaw at the absurdity of her entreating me to take her to bed, "Anna, it is not that I don't want to. I could barely restrain myself from loving you at Downton. But here, there are no barriers and we need to be more strict on ourselves, lest we succumb."

"_What about my desires and longings? You don't want me to touch you or kiss you? What if I wanted to hug you or sit on your lap? At least at Downton, I could do that much. Now you are taking even that away from me,"_ she pretended to sulkily turn away from me.

I tried to mollify her and soothe her mock anger. "You can touch me, kiss me and do as you please, dear. If it gets too much for me, I will let you know," I said, turning her face towards me.

She smiled _"Very well then. I will not insist that you give yourself to me. But I want you to know that this is what I want."_

She approached me with a coquettish air and lightly bit my lower lip,_ "If you ever change your mind, you know that I am ready and waiting."_

She had me reeling with her brazenness and I struggled to gather my wits. Spending time with her was going to be very challenging, yet delicious prospect. "I have to leave soon and I will be back home for supper. What are your plans for the day, milady?" I mumbled.

"_First, I have to write some letters and I might have a small stroll in the village. Perhaps, I might even drop in for a drink at the local pub."_ she gleamed at me. _"_

_But, I shall mostly be resting and reading in my bed while you slave away."_ she smiled and went back to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

_Many thanks to ephoard for her help with editing this chapter and the following ones as well_

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><p>Truthfully, I did not imagine that we would reach this point when I came to confront John. I had wanted answers, but I also harboured a faint hope of reconciliation. But John opened himself to me in a way I had not expected. His tenderness, his caring nature, and our familiarity with each other left me feeling very loved, very reassured of his love, but also wanting more. Although I was overjoyed with our reunion, I was not willing for things to go back to the way they were. We had spent years being patient only for things to collapse with Vera's arrival. I would not allow fate and providence to dictate our lives any longer. I realised that I had to be forthright with John and get him to understand that his nobility and high- mindedness could not be relied on to deal with someone like Vera.<p>

The time we spent together was for the most part marked by lightness and gaiety, however, we needed to have some serious conversations. I had always considered myself to be confident and self- assured, but events had proven me to be very naïve. I had never expected that Vera would come back and take John away from me. I had never even considered that he would leave me. Now I was more guarded and needed answers from John.

The next afternoon when he returned home for tea, I tackled him. "I want to know everything that happened with Vera. Please don't keep me in the dark. I have a right to know."

John sighed heavily and appeared to be weighing a number of thoughts.

With a look of adoration mixed with regret he said, "Very well, I will tell you everything." He took my hands and seated me at the table. He kissed the palms of my hands and waited for what seemed like an age before he started speaking.

"I don't fully know what happened between that Turkish diplomat who died at Downton and Lady Mary. I had caught wind of some rumour but had never paid much attention to them. But now Vera was repeating them with glee and threatening to sell the story the newspapers. I could only begin to imagine how this would shatter his Lordship. Lady Mary's chances of a good match would also vanish and she would become a social pariah. I did not want to be the person who allowed that to happen, Anna."

The last thing I expected to hear from John was about Mr. Pamuk. As he looked at me searchingly, I realised that he knew about my role in the affair. I had never told him about my involvement partly out of a sense of loyalty to Lady Mary and also because I had tried to forget the whole episode. I must have looked bewildered as he tried to assuage me with a wan smile.

"I tried to reason with Vera. I tried to talk her into changing her mind. But she is an evil woman, full of spite and adept at holding grudges. We were getting nowhere, and then she mentioned you, as being involved in this scandal. At this point, I could barely contain my fury, but she had already won. She knew that I was so much in love with you that I couldn't bear even the slightest hint of reproach to your character. I could scarcely imagine the shame and the humiliation you would feel at having your name dragged into the mud with the Granthams. I did the only thing I could think of at that moment and left with Vera to avoid shaming all of you."

His hold on my hands tightened and he looked at me anxiously, wanting to see how I would react.

I had realised soon after he left that Vera had somehow manipulated him, but I could not understand the hold she had on him. Suddenly, it all made sense. He left me to protect my honour. As angry as I was with him for not confiding in me, I could understand the depth of his love. I stood up and gently pulled his head to rest on my midriff, my hands stroking his hair and face. We both had tears in our eyes. I was overwhelmed by his regard for my reputation, misguided though it was. As a housemaid, this scandal would not have affected my standing; if anything it showed how good and loyal a servant I was. I would have to deal with some gossip, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Lady Mary, on the other hand, would face social ruin, but if Vera knew the story, obviously many others could have sold this story to the newspapers. Why did John feel so responsible for protecting her from her follies at such great personal cost?

"Anna," he continued, "I did not go to prison to protect Vera. I was at my lowest point then. I was disgusted with myself, my drinking and that I had allowed myself to be lured into matrimony with a woman who was devoid of character. I had spent months, years, in a drunken stupor, feeling sorry for myself. When I decided to confess for Vera's crimes, I was actually seeking absolution from my past. I was trying to redeem myself. All the mistakes of my youth had left me a hollow man. I was unsure of my judgement and instincts. I quit drinking the hard way in prison. I worked my knee as hard as I could to prevent myself from becoming a complete cripple. I reckoned that by abiding to a strong moral code, I could avoid making any more ill-judged decisions."

John appeared drained by recounting the story, and let his shoulders slump forward..

It was painful for me to witness his torment. I cursed Vera for inflicting such misery upon a good man, but I had more questions for him.

"Why did you not tell me about it then? We could have faced this together, instead you ran away from me." I sounded harsher than I intended but he did not seem to mind.

"When I first saw you Anna, I felt a surge in my heart. I did not know it then, but soon enough I knew that it was love," he said with a hint of a smile on his lips.

"You brought kindness, trust, friendship, compassion, and love to my parched heart. I could scarcely bring myself to accept my good fortune. I felt sure that my tainted past would consume you as well. Slowly, I managed to allow myself to accept your love and love you back. You liberated me, Anna, and allowed me to dream of a future filled with love, happiness, laughter, joy and family.

"When Vera appeared with her demands, I felt I was slipping into the abyss again. The beautiful future was just a mirage that had enticed me. I was determined that I would never let you fall with me. I might have lost my love, but at least you would survive. I was trying to protect you from Vera and the wider world, who would waste no time in devouring you."

He looked up at me, his eyes red-rimmed and his face tinged with sadness.

"I did not save Thomas and O'Brien out of any regard for them. Rightly or wrongly, I did not want to be responsible for them losing their jobs. I realise now that it was stupid and arrogant to hold myself responsible for their deeds. When it comes to his Lordship, I owe him a great deal and he has shown more faith in me that anyone else. He kept me on despite everyone telling him that I could not carry out my duties. He allowed me to retake a place in respectable society and it is through him I met you. If this story came out in the papers, he would be devastated. I felt I had to do everything in my power to prevent that from happening, I can never fully repay his kindness and I will continue to look out for him and his family., however, from now on I assure you that it will never be at your expense."

I was entirely disarmed by his confessions and cupped his face in my hands.. In my darker moments, I had assumed that John had taken the easy way out in dealing with Vera, but now it was clear that his path was anything but. Still with his head in my hands, I leaned down and kissed him.

Promise me you won't protect me any longer," I said solemnly. "I can't bear to go through all this again, John,"

"I cannot promise that. I have to go through my life looking out for you and taking care of you."

I spent a few minutes thinking about what he had said, and how much it said about his character.

"Very well, promise not to protect me without my knowledge," I reasoned.

"That seems fair," he agreed.

I knew it would be difficult for John to be more open with me no matter how much he wanted to be. It was part of who he was. These last few months had taught me that what I considered moral and right were not necessarily so, and I knew this was true for John as well.

"Anna, I know my foolishness had pushed us both the brink of despair, but your love and faith saved us from being swept away. If only I had confided in you, I could have thwarted Vera and saved us from this heart break."

I was glad to hear him finally say this, and kissed him in response.

"I am a very lucky man to have you, despite my many flaws."

"Yes, you are, and you know you will have to tell me all the details of your divorce proceedings!"

"I will tell you everything from now on and soon you will be so bored that you will beg me to cease talking," I joked.

"We shall see," I replied with a smile.


	7. Chapter 7

_a bit more raciness in this chapter and there will be some more in future chapters. i have changed the rating suitably to take that into account. thanks to ephoard for editing. _

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><p>I don't think I shall ever have my fill of being able to hold and caress Anna. The more I did so, the more I craved her touch. The very thought filled me with joy. She had never been shy about seeking me out. When were together at Downton, she revelled in my touch. Now that we were completely alone she was even more vocal in expressing her desires. She would curl against me while sleeping and her hands would rest against my bare skin. Sometimes her legs would wrap themselves around me. I was glad that she had not taken my warnings seriously. I struggled to keep my urges in check, but I consoled myself with the promise of a future of fulfilled desires.<p>

The mornings, the breakfasts, the tea times and supper times all passed in pleasant blur. Waking up with her and going to bed with her made me hope for a time when we could take it for granted. I was pleased, though not surprised, by the domesticity of our companionship. We would settle into bed chatting about all manner of mundane, trivial matters as well as discovering more about each others' lives and families. We had all the intimacy and tranquillity of a long married couple, but also the frolicsome shyness of new lovers. We were content to spend most of our time together in my rooms, chatting, reading or simply enjoying the quiet together. I don't think I have ever felt so content with life.

On our last night together we were both were pensive. Sitting on my bed, I was reading a book of love poems. For once, it seemed that sleep was eluding her as well.

"What are you reading?" she asked. I turned around to reveal the title of my book.

"Could you read something to me?" she asked turning towards me.

"All right then," I said as I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer.

_"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.  
>I love thee to the depth and breadth and height"<em>

Her hands were resting idly over my chest and then she opened a few buttons of my shirt and her hands wandered around in circles over my chest. Despite the distraction, I continued reading.

_"My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
>For the ends of being and ideal grace.<br>I love thee to the level of ….." _

She then moved herself along my body and rested her head on my lap. I was completely distracted now as her hands were enveloping my leg. Truth be told, I was uncomfortable, or rather should I say, I was very aroused. I brushed her hair away from her face and gently caressed her face, her neck and flirted with the neck line of her night gown. Her fluttered eyes were nearly shut as she sighed and looked up at me with longing and passion.

Soon we were entwined and it was not long before we started kissing in earnest, my hands wandering all over her body. My head was in a swirl and I knew that we were entering very dangerous territory. With what remaining willpower I could muster, I pulled away a bit and she stopped as well.

The look on her face was tinged with sadness. "I'm sorry, I got a bit carried away," she said as she turned away to her side of the bed.

"I'm sorry too, darling. I want this more than anything in the world. We must be patient for a bit longer," I pleaded with her.

She smiled sadly, "Let's go to sleep."

For the first time, I allowed myself to curl up against her, my arm over her waist and my face buried in her tresses. I soon managed to fall asleep. I slept more soundly than I had in years. The next morning she was gone and I was inconsolable. I missed her, missed her touch, her cheerfulness and her warmth. I had spent many a day at Downton sitting next to her, desperate for a few minutes alone just to talk to her and hold her hand. She had been here alone with me for a few days, yet I had to curb my instincts. I couldn't help but wonder, why was I holding back? My rational mind told me the answers, but I did not want to hear them.

In the last few days, we had all but lived as man and wife and we had come very close to even breaking that barrier. Images of her décolletage, her naked thighs, her beautiful feet, her unbraided hair came unbidden to my mind driving me mad with desire. Yes, she would return to me in a few days, but what after that? She would be back to Downton and my desires would only intensify. Her dejection at my perceived rejection nagged at my heart. I could not read, I could not sit still, even work was not much of a distraction. To be denied by external circumstances, one can grudgingly accept, but denying oneself was much more of an ordeal. However honourable I wanted to be, her allure was proving more and more difficult to resist.

_*** Sonnet XLIII from Sonnets From the Portuguese, 1845 - Elizabeth Barrett Browning **_

_**How Do I Love Thee?**_

_**How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.  
>I love thee to the depth and breadth and height<br>My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
>For the ends of being and ideal grace.<br>I love thee to the level of every day's  
>Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.<br>I love thee freely, as men strive for right.  
>I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.<br>I love thee with the passion put to use  
>In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.<br>I love thee with a love I seemed to lose  
>With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,<br>Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,  
>I shall but love thee better after death.<strong>_


	8. Chapter 8

Anna left early this morning. Even though I knew she would soon return, my sense of desolation was acute. Accustomed as I was to solitude, her absence left me restless. I could not relax, sleep, or read. Every corner of my home was evocative of her: her fragrance lingered in my bedsheets, my bath was scented by her soaps and laundry. I would imagine her lying on my bed and turn towards her, only to be met by coldness and emptiness. Only a few days earlier, I was resigned to a life without her and wishing only for her happiness. Now that I had indulged myself, savoured her companionship, allowed myself to feel happy and given up all but the last of my reservations, I was not so sure. Maybe I could still reconcile myself to a life without her, but then it would not be living at all.

Just a few hours had passed since her departure, yet I was impatiently awaiting her return. I knew now that I could never give her up. The right thing to do would have been to renounce her until I could provide her with the respectability of marriage, but now, my resolve was wavering. I found myself reliving the memories of her stay. I fondly recalled our day in Harrogate, a charming town Anna had never visited. The weather was pleasantly warm and dressed in our best summer kit, we took a walk along The Stray_*****_. How lovely it was to link arms with her and kiss her palms without worrying about getting caught. Although my knee was not bothering me, Anna insisted on frequent breaks. We sat on a park bench and took in the verdant surroundings and the hubbub of children, courting couples, and hawkers. She was back to her usual vivacious self. I was glad to see her sparkle and colour returning. We stopped for tea and cake before a mandatory visit to the bookshop as well as an impromptu drop-in at the milliner's. Although she protested, I think she enjoyed being spoilt by me just as much as I enjoyed indulging her. I could not help feeling proud of having this beautiful young woman on my arm. I had long regretted that I had not been able to court her properly. If anything, Anna had wooed me, had pulled me out of the miasma in which I was trapped.

A life in service encourages people to congregate in groups rather than pursuing individual activities. Despite spending a great deal of time with each other, we were never truly alone for long and we were always alert to the possibility of being disturbed. These few days of uninterrupted access to Anna was manna to my soul. I was not sure I could go back to such a regimented life.

As we made our way back from Harrogate, I allowed myself to dream aloud. "Perhaps we could buy a small hotel in Harrogate. I won't have much money after Vera is done with me, but we could start small and work together. Would you like that?"

Her eyes went misty and she nodded in response. I felt a pang remembering my earlier promises. I had painted a vision of the future to her filled with love, togetherness and children and just as quickly shattered it. Was it any wonder that she was not fully recovered? But she did not dwell on it, and moved to happier subjects.

"Perhaps we could visit London soon. I would love to see your mother's house again and have you show me around," she ventured.

I chided myself once again for allowing Vera to appropriate my mother's house. My mother was so fond of Anna and would have been very happy to pass it on to her. Instead, Vera was ensconced in her house and it was all my fault.

"My mother loved you and before she died she told me she wanted you to be the mistress of that house. I am so glad that she got to meet you. She would be heartbroken if she knew Vera had taken it over."

Anna understood my disquiet and consoled me,"Wherever you are is where I want to be. I could not ask for anything more."

I could not help smiling at her tact and grace. "I could not ask for anything more either," I said contentedly.

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><p><em>*Harrogate developed fame as a spa town following the enclosure of surrounding lands in 1770, when 200 acres (0.81 km2) were reserved as public commons, called the Stray, which has remained a popular spot for picnicking, kite-flying, outdoor games and football matches.<em>

_thanks to ephoard again for her patient editing._


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry for being so late in publishing a new chapter. I struggled a bit with the storyline, which is now more crystallised in my mind. More characters will take part in the forthcoming chapters. So hopefully, the next chapters will not take as long. As always comments and suggestions are most appreciated. Finally thanks to ephoard for being a trooper and wading through endless edits. _

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><p>Anna had only been gone for a week, but it felt like she had been away for an year. All my thoughts were consumed by her. Her return was to be today. I was functioning on the outside, serving customers, making small talk, exchanging pleasantries and working as normal, yet there was not a moment, waking or asleep, when she was from my thoughts. It was a kind of madness and I revelled in it. I had never felt more optimistic or more hopeful for the future. With her by my side, I could face anything. I did not know how I would cope without seeing her or talking to her everyday after she returned to Downton. Even things not yet being settled with Vera did not dampen my spirits.<p>

Her village was three hours from Kirby-Moorside by coach. The coach usually arrived at fifteen past the hour, every two hours. I tried to keep my excitement in check while I worked. The coach stop was just across the road from the pub and I could just catch a glimpse of the arriving coaches through the window near the bar. Starting at noon, my hopes were raised and dashed every two hours. When I left for the day, I waited at the coach stop. It had been raining all day and was now a deluge. As the day wore on, my mood became as dismal as the weather. I wondered if Anna would come today after all. No coaches had arrived for four hours. Perhaps this weather had interfered with her plans. Perhaps all the coaches had been cancelled. I reluctantly returned to my rooms for supper. There was a howling gale now and the rain threatened to come inside. I took one last look outside before shutting the windows. I would go out and have another look at the stop before retiring for the night. She could still come.

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><p>As I began my journey this morning, it was warm and sunny. By the time I reached the coach stop, it was raining. I had forgotten my umbrella and got soaked. The coach arrived an hour late filled to the brim. I managed to squeeze inside and luckily managed to find a seat in a corner next to an old lady.<p>

The sky was grey and thunder and lightning kept pounding the coach. I was so late, John would be worried. The coach moved slowly and carefully along the small roads. I had hoped I would reach Kirby-Moorside by dusk, but it was looking less and less likely. All the passengers sat in grim determination awaiting our final stop. I clutched my bag closer to me and huddled down in my seat. I was still wet and shivering with cold. All I could think of was his warm embrace.

It was lovely to be home again and see Ma, my sister Grace, and her children. I helped Grace with the chores and played with Jo and Ben. Ma was as sharp as ever. She knew I had something on my mind and tried to get it out of me. She asked after Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes, both of whom she'd met. She enquired about Thomas and news from France. Evidently she thought I might be missing him. I rushed to assure her he was missed by no one. When she asked after the lame valet, I cursed myself for describing John like that in an early letter. I told her Mr. Bates had left a few months back to start over with his wife. I wanted to be open with her, but I couldn't yet. Not while John was still married. I was not prepared to wait much longer. Vera had to be out of our lives soon.

Suddenly a jolt shook me from my thoughts. There were screams and shouts as we all fell forward. It took me a minute to realise we'd had an accident. The coach had slid off its path into a muddy ditch. The driver ordered us leave the coach while he inspected the damage. By the time I managed to get out and walk across the street through the ditch, I was covered in mud. I nearly lost my shoe in the mess. An old lady near me was also struggling to walk. I carried her bag and gave her my arm. I was caked in mud, soaked to the bone and feeling miserable. We waited in the rain for nearly an hour as the driver attempted to put the coach right.

Another coach stopped on its way to Ripon. A number of passengers decided to board it, but we were only three miles from Kirby-Moorside. I had not come this far to go back. The driver finally allowed us back into the coach to wait and see if another would come along. The old lady offered me a piece of candy from the stash in her handbag. We got chatting, and she was visiting her sister in the next village. I mentioned that John was waiting for me. She assumed he was my husband. I didn't correct her. In my mind, he is my husband.

The rain was not stopping and it was not going to any time soon. I couldn't wait any longer. I picked up my bag to set off on foot. The old lady tried to stop me and warned me about walking alone in the dark, but I had to get away. I had been waiting all day, all week really, and couldn't wait any longer. If I walked fast enough, I could get to John within the hour. The streets were empty and the rain and wind kept lashing. I walked as fast as my muddy shoes and the squelchy road would permit. I passed a couple of men drinking with a barking dog. The dog tried to jump at me and strained at its leash. They stared at me and I increased my pace. I was nearly there. I could see the lights of Kirby-Moorside.

"Where are you off, to love ?" one of the men yelled as he leered at me and staggered towards me. I could smell the alcohol on him.

"Come here, give us a kiss, love," he slurred. I started running as fast as I could. My shoes were no good and constantly threatening to slip off. The dog's barking was still as loud, I wondered if he had slipped his leash. I ran as hard as I could into the village and bumped into someone. I shrank back but a strong hand gripped my wrist. As I tried to pull away, the hand guided me towards its owner.

"Anna, it's me." It was John's face looking at me. Dropping my bag, I rushed into his arms. He held me tightly and we stood there in the dark, getting drenched. Slowly, he pulled away and cupped my face in his hands and brushed my hair from my face.

"Well, you look a mess," he chuckled. We looked at each other and started laughing.


	10. Chapter 10

I was glad that it was my day off so I could spend it with Anna. Poor thing, she was so exhausted last night that she fell into a deep sleep the moment her head hit the pillow. As I looked at her, I could not help shaking my head as I recalled yesterday's events. Anna was cold, muddy, and soaked to the bone. As I busied myself with getting her warmed up and comfortable, she recounted the mishaps that had befallen her. She had walked nearly three miles alone in the dark and in pouring rain. I had barely opened my mouth to protest before she silenced me. "Nothing could keep me away. Come hell or high water, I would have made my way back to you." I could only laugh in wonder at her determination. I had spent years bemoaning my fortune, but of late, I felt as though I was the luckiest man in the world.

My mind drifted back to the impasse in our lives. How much longer would we be able to endure this uncertainty? Sooner or later things had to progress. It was very unfair on her, yet she rarely chided me for my inability to rid myself of Vera. On rare occasions, I felt that she was getting exasperated, when I urged her to be patient with Vera's whims and demands. But she tried hard not to show it. Her family was in the dark about me and she wanted us to meet. But what family would want their daughter caught up with a lame, older, married man? By the time Vera was done with me, I would probably be penniless, too. All in all, as unsuitable a match as there could be, yet I knew that I could make her happy and I hoped they would understand that.

She turned towards me and blearily opened her eyes.

"Good morning," I said cheerfully and kissed her on her lips. That appeared to rouse her a bit.

"What time is it?" she asked, stretching out her limbs.

"Nearly 10 o'clock. Will her Ladyship be up for breakfast?" I asked, smiling.

"Will you? I'm really hungry," she said, stifling a yawn. She moved closer to rest her head on my chest. Soon she was dozing off again. I sat there stroking her hair and luxuriating in her warmth, marvelling at her capacity to sleep at will.

Just as she was drifting off, I heard a commotion coming from the corridor. The voices were getting louder and closer. One was Mrs. Hudson's, and she sounded irritated. "You can't just come in here and disturb my tenants!"

The other voice was harsh and shrill and my heart sank. It was Vera. There was loud banging on the door and Anna woke up with a start.

"Stay here," I told her and steeled myself to face Vera. I opened the door and there she stood, an unwelcome vision if ever there was, arguing with Mrs. Hudson. Her face was red with rage and rouge, a lanky fox fur was slung around her neck and a hat adorned with garish feathers was perched on her head.

"Shut your pipe. What do you mean?" she raged. "I am Mrs. Bates and I will come and go as I please!" I was not comforted by Vera's tone of voice.

"It's all right, Mrs Hudson, I know her," I said with some resignation.

Mrs. Hudson was all worked up by now. "She can't just barge in here!" she sputtered and looked at Vera. "Learn some manners!" she spat and walked away before Vera could respond.

Vera walked straight past me into my living room without invitation. She took a few moments to take in the room. "Very cosy," she smirked at me.

"Why are you here?" I hissed. "You should speak to my lawyer."

"I should have guessed," she sneered looking at Anna's picture on my window sill. "Couldn't wait to get back to your floozy, could you? Does she want you back again?"

I could feel the blood rushing in my head, the feelings of rage and hatred building. Somehow I managed to control myself and repeated, "Why are you here?"

Vera tried a simpering tone, "Wont you come back, John? I'm tired of living on my own. We have a house and some money," she fluttered her eyes at me.

I let out a harsh laugh, "Don't be silly Vera. That time has long gone and we've both moved on. I let you live in my mother's house and I've given you a lot of money. You promised you would agree to the divorce." I tried to be calm yet felt my heart sink with every passing second.

Her features changed again into a devious grin. "I lied," she cackled."I'm never going to divorce you. You'll never be with your tart."

"How dare you!" I raged before I managed to regain my self-control.

"You have the money, and you agreed to a divorce. The courts will recognise that," I said with more conviction than I felt. This was all going horribly wrong. I needed to get her out before she barged into the bedroom and found Anna.

"Ha! As if," she spat out. "I will cry my eyes out in court and tell them how much I still love you." She smirked devilishly at me.

This conversation was painful and futile, and I needed to end it. It was clear that nothing good could come out of it.

"Get out now. I have nothing more to say to you," I said as I ushered her to the door.

She put up some resistance as I led her out. "Why do you hate me, Johnny?" she asked in an innocent voice. "What have I done wrong?" she continued simpering.

I shook my head. Why did I ever marry this woman? It was a question I asked myself nearly every day since I had married her in haste all those years ago.

She stopped abruptly at the door and slowly tilted her head and looked at me curiously. "Why did that old hag keep saying that I wasn't Mrs. Bates? What have you told her, Johnny?" She spoke in a slow and low tone and there was real menace on her face.

I didn't respond because no matter what I said, her suspicions would only grow further.

"Does she know of a different Mrs Bates?" she continued in the same menacing tone.

I tried to appear indifferent. "I have not told her about being married because I am not really married, to anyone," I emphasised. "Anyway, I am not in the habit of discussing my private matters with everyone I meet." I was probably talking a bit too much and a bit too fast. I saw Anna's muddy coat and boots behind the door. I hoped Vera had not noticed them. Vera was sharp and cunning. I just didn't want her anywhere near Anna or even thinking about her. I just wanted her gone. "Good bye, Vera," I said and tried to shut the door.

She wedged her foot in the door. "Don't think I'm a fool, John. Besides, I still have the story of your Lady Mary to sell. That will go down a treat in your Downton Abbey. By the time I'm done, your precious Anna's reputation will be in tatters. No respectable house will have her, and the so-called honour of that Grantham family will be destroyed."

I stayed silent. There was nothing I could say.

Seeing that I wasn't going to respond, Vera stomped away, but not before delivering her final shot. "You will never be with her, not as long as I am alive."

I wished she would drop dead that very instant. As I shut the door, I found myself trembling with rage. I took a few deep breaths and composed myself. I cautiously entered the bedroom. Anna's back was to me. I gingerly lowered myself to sit on the bed and stroked her back. Her body was rigid and she did not turn around . I could sense her anger and I didn't blame her. My past had yet again caught up with me and pulled us back into an ugly reality.

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><p><em>Thanks for all your lovely and encouraging remarks. It kept me motivated to finish this chapter. As always thanks to ephoard for her patient editing.<em>


	11. Chapter 11

_**Warning : this chapter is edging towards a 'M' rating. I guess it had to happen sooner or later -)**_

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><p>For a long time no one spoke. I knew John wanted to say something, reassure me, reassure himself. I knew he was feeling guilty. I wished he wouldn't; other than perhaps not be firm enough with Vera, none of this was his fault. I was angry with Vera for entering and disrupting our lives. I was angry with John for letting her do it. Above all, I was angry with myself. I had stayed hidden in the bedroom and not confronted her. For so long, I had let John deal with her in his own way. I was always careful not to be the type of woman Vera was: nagging, angry and controlling. Maybe all I had done was give Vera more power over our lives. But not for much longer.<p>

"Let me get started on that breakfast," John said quietly and started towards the kitchen. I could not bear the resignation in his voice. Before he could reach the door, I rushed behind him and wrapped my arms around him. I couldn't stop my tears from flowing. He turned and took me in his arms.

"Anna, I am so sorry. I will get this sorted. My lawyer is working to get a date for our hearing," he responded.

What would it take to make him stop blaming himself? I sunk further into his chest and John tightened his hold on me.

"Don't worry, I won't let Vera do any harm to you," he tried to console me.

With that, my head shot up, I moved out of his arms .

"I'm not scared of her," I raged at him. "I'm angry, at her and at you for letting her get away with that!,"

He looked pained. Just as quickly, my temper cooled.

"I'm more scared of what you will do to please her," I replied quietly.

He took me back in his arms. "I am doing everything possible to get her to agree. I have offered her every last penny, " he said with feeling in his voice.

"Maybe you shouldn't have. Maybe you should be more firm with her," I tried to reason with him.

"She is a greedy woman, Vera is. She only understands money," he countered.

"She is that and more. She is mad, John. You cannot reason with her." I retorted.

"But...," he started and I did not let him finish. I pulled away from him and put my palms together in prayer.

"She is greedy, she has your money and is living in your mother's house. What is pushing her towards divorce?"

He sighed heavily.

"Don't you see, John? She has you over a barrel. Why did you give her the money before she signed the papers?"

"I just wanted to get it over with quickly. I didn't want to stay a moment longer away from you," he said earnestly and all my anger vanished.

"She has tormented us for too long. It is time she felt some heat. Let us have her running scared." I replied feeling stronger as a plan started to form in my head.

John shook his head. "She is dangerous and vindictive. I don't want to stir up a hornet's nest."

He kissed my forehead. "I want her as far away from you as possible. I won't risk her attacking you and creating trouble. Just be patient, it won't be too long," he tried to soothe me.

I could have let it go as I always did, but Vera's visit was the last straw. I could feel something snapping.

"So we just wait until she's decided she's had enough? When will that be? She can be unfaithful, sleep around with all manner of men, and we still have to wait for her consent,?"

"Be reasonable, Anna. What other choices do we have?" John was getting agitated with me.

I was the unreasonable one. That struck a nerve. "You want me to be reasonable? I have always been reasonable. I have been more than reasonable. I have been too reasonable." I sputtered on angrily. I was aware of my high voice, yet I continued. "I have stood by you through thick and thin. I am willing to leave everything and come away with you. I have waited years for you and let her keep us apart even when we are together." My tears were threatening to flow and John looked scared.

"Anna, you know what I mean. We have no choice but to wait for her to agree," he tried to reason again. I was not going to back down. He looked at me with those tender eyes slightly moistened, "God knows, I don't deserve you and I have dragged you into my troubles. I must at least wed you properly. I will not have your name tarnished."

I couldn't bear it any more. I was ready to fight Vera, but he had to be too. "Get your lawyer to throw her out of your mother's house."

"But, Anna …" I didn't let him finish.

"Demand your money back from her. After all, she got the money for promising a divorce." He appeared to be thinking about it. "But she hasn't kept her promise."

"But that could delay the divorce even more," he replied.

"What, more delayed that it is now?" I argued. He appeared unconvinced.

"She has no need to divorce you now, John. When she is out of house and money, then she will agree," I countered confidently.

He still looked anxious. "What if she sells the story about Lady Mary? All hell with break loose."

"I will warn Lady Mary. She knows people, important people. She can deal with it, " I responded wondering why he was sacrificing our happiness to save Lady Mary and Lord Grantham.

"You have answers for everything," he chuckled at me. "Even so, I will go to London and talk to her again. I will try harder. It won't be long now, I promise." I was not satisfied.

"It won't work, John," I said. "And I'm not going to waste a single minute letting her lord over us."

For the first time in months, I felt a sense of purpose and a measure of control. We had a plan. We would not allow Vera to determine our fate any longer.

I placed my hands on the side of his face pulling him towards me. His lips sought mine and we kissed passionately. All my rage and frustrations were poured into my kisses. He wound one arm around my waist and placed the other on the back of my head. Something had snapped in him and he kissed me deeper and longer. He tightened his hold on me and continued pouring kisses onto my lips before moving to my neck and throat. His kisses were more ardent, more stirring than previously. I couldn't help but moan as his hands moved up my waist closer to my breasts. One hand moved lightly over my breasts and I wished he would go further. Perhaps he would. Neither of us wanted to stop and our bodies continued to press against each other. His breath was ragged and shallow and his hands moved all over my body.

I needed to be closer to him. I started opening the buttons of his shirt and pulled it away from him. I pushed his under shirt up as far as I could, but I couldn't get it over his head. John smiled and removed it. I immersed myself in the warmth of his chest. I kissed him all over and ran my hands over his chest and back. He closed his eyes and moved his head back and let me have the privilege I had wanted for so long.

When I moved to unhook his trousers, he came out of his reverie. "Are you sure?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

I nodded.

"We should wait," he said weakly.

"For what?" I looked at him straight in the eye.

"Till the divorce comes through," he said.

"When will that be?" I questioned without leaving his gaze.

"It won't be very long," he said in an unconvincing tone.

"How long?" I kept looking at him.

"Perhaps a few months," he countered weakly.

"How long?" I repeated.

"I don't know," he admitted finally.

"I'm tired of waiting," I told him.

"What if you get..." he asked.

"We will deal with things as they come along," I said decisively.

Something had changed in his face. In the past, he would have been strong and resolute, but now I could sense his resolve was weakening.

"You know I want to, very much want to. Some days it is all I can think about. Are you really ready for this. There is no going back..." he trailed.

"Yes," I nodded. "I have been ready for this since the first time I saw you," I grinned at him.

"Have you now?" he smiled broadly. With that he sighed and pulled me closer, "God knows, I have wanted you so badly and for so long."

"We both want it and we are both ready. We are going to be together, whether she likes it or not," I said with a sense of finality.

He kissed me again and led me to our bed.

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><p><em>Thanks for your reviews and to ephoard for her edits. as always much appreciated.<em>


	12. Chapter 12

_**Well, we are decidedly creeping closer into 'M' territory. A lot of fluff and loving. It is probably tamer by the standards of other stories, but I hope it is still enjoyable.**_

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><p>A gentle breeze blew into the room through the hastily pulled curtains. Following its lead, rays of sunlight sneaked through and hit the opposite wall. Lying on my back, I watched the dancing rays light up the lazy afternoon. The serenity of the room mirrored my state of mind. Anna was curled by my side, half asleep, her leg entwined with mine and her hands on my chest. Her body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, her hair spread all over the pillow. Her languid form, graceful, lissome and seductive, kept me in a state of wonder.<p>

I had resisted this moment and even dreaded it for a very long time. Although she had offered herself to me before, I had managed to gently rebuff her. I had felt guilty for not offering her the respectability of marriage. I had long considered myself unworthy of her. All that discipline was thrown away in a moment when I gave in to our desires.

No one could have been more surprised than me by my state of mind. I felt happy, euphoric even. My past meant that I did not deserve to be happy, but Anna was unlike any woman I had ever known. Seraphic and sweet yet sensual and sensuous. The love I felt for her was something which I never thought I was capable of feeling. Lying in bed with her next to me, I felt that I did deserve the joys of living and loving. She had made me greedy for happiness. I was proud to call her mine, proud to have her in my arms, proud that I would one day call her my wife.

Flashes of the last few hours kept appearing before my eyes. My Anna, playful as ever, tickled me till I could bear it no more and I responded in kind. Peals of laughter, as she tried to escape rang in my ears. Her skin so soft and warm, I showered her in kisses. The kissing seemed to go on forever, getting deeper and hungrier.

I moved my lips across her collar bone and downward. When my lips brushed across her nipples, her body trembled and she took a sharp breath. Her eyes closed as gasps escaped from her open mouth. I moved on top of her and gripped her waist as her body reached up towards me. Her nipples, dusky rose, alluring and now close to my mouth. I sucked on them harder and harder as stuttering moans escaped from her.

Another vision appeared of her rising above me, her back arched her head thrown back, her hair loose and dishevelled, as tiny beads of sweat ran down her forehead. A tension was building in her steadily. As she climaxed, her body shaking and a sigh escaping from her lips, I held her close to me. She called out wordlessly and clung to me.

Sated, she lay on her stomach with her arms above her. She was relaxed, months of heartache, longing and desire all converging in this blissful moment. I was entranced by the curve of her back, her slender waist and her round bottom. My hands took a life of their own as I massaged, caressed and kneaded her from head to toe. I turned her over and she looked into my eyes and smiled beatifically. She pulled me towards her and ran her fingers through my hair.

"That was lovely," she murmured.

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><p>Today was beautiful. I had seen glimpses of the passionate John before, but today he laid himself bare to me. Today he finally let himself indulge in his desires. Some things, however, would never change. He was, as always, more concerned about my well being, pausing to make sure I was alright.<p>

I trusted him completely. I nodded and gripped his arms bracing myself for the pain. My nails dug into him and I had to bite my lip to stop from crying out. As I adjusted to his presence, I slowly released the breath I was holding. John still looked worried so I kissed him to reassure him. As I felt more comfortable I wrapped my legs around him to draw him closer. I was drowning in the warmth of his body and intoxicated by his scent. He seemed to enjoy the sheer physical effort. I could sense that he needed this badly, and I wanted him to have it. The intensity and urgency culminated in his release. He sank into my arms tingling and shuddering. For once, he was entirely caught up in his own pleasure. I guided his head to my bosom and cradled him as he let the sensations sweep over him. We stayed like that a while before he rose to lay next to me. I curled up against him, wanting to stay as close as possible.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"I should be asking you that," he was back to his usual self.

He smiled at me. I'd never seen him smile like that.

"I feel wonderful. I...I felt so many new things," he paused, "And things which I had long forgotten."

He looked so serene and happy, I could have cried. For once, I was seeing him totally unburdened by guilt, duty or principles. We drifted off into a restful sleep.

When I woke, he was still asleep. John looked so peaceful. I had never really seen him asleep. He was always up before me and rarely in bed before me. I was so hungry, I could hear my stomach rumbling. I decided to cook something simple for us. Ever since the start of my visit, John had been very keen to let me rest and took all the household duties upon himself. I enjoyed being taken care of by him, but today I would let him rest.

I managed to make omelettes and toast and started to set the table when I felt two arms around me. John was up.

"Good, I'm so hungry I could eat a whole cow," he laughed.

As we tucked in, I realised the toast was burnt. I looked up to see John trying to chew the eggs, which were a leathery mess..

"I haven't cooked in such a long time, I've forgotten how to do even the simplest of meals." I was a bit embarrassed by my efforts.

John looked at me seriously.

"This is not a trivial matter, Anna," he started. I was worried by his tone.

"It's a good thing you have considerable compensating charms," he winked at me. "Otherwise, I would have made a beeline for Mrs. Patmore."

"What," I sputtered before realising his cheekiness. I playfully gave him that slap I'd offered the night he proposed. He tried to duck me before catching me in his arms and settling me on his lap against his chest.

"A man needs a good feed from time to time," he continued to tease me.

I had been worried that John would be feeling guilty. Seeing him in such high spirits took my concerns away.

"What are you thinking of?" he enquired, his kind eyes smiling at me.

"I was..." I started. "I was worried that... I had forced you." Seeing his amused look, I relaxed. "I'm glad that you look so happy," I finished.

"Well, I was coerced," he teased me. Drawing me into a long kiss, he added, "I could do with some more coercion."

We put our arms around each other and stayed that way for a while. No words were exchanged. They weren't needed. Finally, John set me back in my chair. "Wait here," he said as he moved to the bedroom. He emerged with a flat jewellery case, covered in red velvet. He opened the case to reveal a ring, heart shaped and adorned with numerous small pearls. There was a matching gold chain with a similar looking pendant.

"This set has been in my family for three generations. My mother had saved it for my wife." he trailed off wistfully.

"Somehow she never wanted to give it to Vera and I can't thank her enough for that."

I took the case and passed my fingers over the ring.

"Shouldn't you wait?" I said. "Till we get married?"

"What happened to waiting this morning?" he teased me.

"I wanted to give it to you after we were married, but,you have been my wife for months, years even, in the true sense of the word."

I could not stop a few tears from escaping. He wiped them away and placed the gold chain around my neck. He took the ring and brought it to my fingers and slowly placed it on my ring finger.

Kissing my hand tenderly, he turned to face me with a look of adoration on his face.

"A scrap of paper won't make you my wife any more than its absence would suddenly make you my mistress," he said strongly. With that he took me in his arms. Finally, John was accepting what I had realised long ago. We were meant for each other and nothing could stop us.

Soon, he broke the embrace and smiled at me mischievously, "I'm still hungry. How about I take my wife out for some lunch?"

"Yes, lets," I smiled.

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><p><em>Thanks to ephoard for patient editing and some good suggestions. As always reviews are very welcome and much appreciated<em>


	13. Chapter 13

_**Thanks for all your reviews and it seemed like people were happy that Anna and John finally got it together. But where there is happiness, Vera is not far behind. This chapter is a bit long by my standards. Vera is the star here and if you find her a bit nutty, neurotic and irrational, it is because she is meant to be. As always, reviews are welcome. Finally thanks to ephoard for all her help and excellent editing.**_

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><p>I just wanted to get back to London, but the damn train was late. Now that John knew that I knew where he was, he wouldn't be at peace. He should've known he couldn't escape. But I had this nagging feeling. Something wasn't right. He was nervous, right edgy. Normally my presence makes him angry, not nervous. Something was up. He wasn't welcoming, but that's nothing new. You'd think a man would treat his wife of so many years with some consideration. And that old hag, you'd have thought she was his gatekeeper. Tried to keep me away, she did. Reminded me of his mother, she did. That old woman didn't treat me right either. I was never good enough for her precious boy. If only she could be here now and see me ruling her house! I'll suck the last penny out of him, I will. He'll never be rid of me. He doesn't get away that easily. What does that floozy see in him? I know he worships her. When he came back to London with me, I knew she'd got him right and proper. All choked up and honourable he was. He loved her, whatever that meant. Made me sick. His mam had liked her too. She was her type, all worthy and pure, good enough for her boy. But I knew she wasn't as innocent as she looked. That girl didn't know who she was tangling with. I got Johnny boy to ditch her before, and I'll do it again.<p>

It hit me so hard I stopped in my tracks. How could I have been so stupid? It was as clear as daylight. How had I missed it? That girl was more wily than I'd thought. No wonder he'd come running back to Yorkshire. Now it all made sense. She was there, hiding in his rooms. He was passing her off as his wife to that old hag and God knows who else. How dare he? Did they have no shame? , Mr. Honourable, he had no respect for his wedding vows! No wonder he couldn't wait to seeme out. And I didn't see it! But he won't get rid of Vera Mildred Bates that easily. We have a lot of history behind us, John Bates and me. I thought I was marrying a man of prospects, but he turned out to be just a drunk. I was reduced to a life of poverty and stealing. Just because his life has improved now he thinks he can discard me like a used dishcloth. I demand to be treated in the manner as befits his wife! Nobody treats me like dirt. John Bates will be sorry he ever met me.

Just then the train arrived, but I decided I still had business up here. I took the coach back to Kirby Moorside and headed to his rooms. I'd wait outside until they appeared and confront them. Looking around though there was no place to wait, and I would not hide behind a tree. For all I knew that old hag would be keeping watch from her windows and alert them.

I hadn't eaten a crumb since morning. That wretched man hadn't offered me so much as a glass of water. I turned around and saw that the road led to the market square. There were a few shops, a pub, and a large and busy eating house. As soon as I walked in the eating house, all the farmers and merchants looked at me as though they'd never seen a well-dressed woman before. If I wasn't so busy, I could've had a bit of fun. But something told me I'd be visiting John often. Maybe next time. I smiled at one who knew enough to tip his hat at me. After my sandwich and tea and I decided to walk around the town, such as it was. Just two streets and the market square. On my way back to the square, I saw him, them. There he was, all smiles, and her holding his arm like she owned it. I quickly retreated to the edge of the road, but they were so immersed in each other, I don't think he would have noticed me if I'd walked straight past them. They entered the eating house. I could wait.

I'd been waiting for almost an hour. They were still in there. If only I'd taken longer, we could do this in public. All the folk walking past stared at me like they had never seen an elegant lady before. Just as I was about to enter the eating house, the lovelies emerged, still arm in arm. They headed towards a wooded area. I followed them at a distance, quietly and carefully. I could hear them laughing away all wrapped up in their little world. She could chat with him and hold his arm, but she'll never have him. He is far to honourable for his own good. Honour is all he cares about: the honour of his precious Lord Grantham, that tart, Lady Mary and the reputation of his virginal Anna. In minutes I was able to threaten their honour and get him to do my bidding before. A single word uttered against his darling Anna, he'll come limping back to me again.

I could hear their voices getting closer. He was talking to her about poetry. God help her. Who is bothered about discussing daffodils or is it tulips. I was beyond caring. When we were first married, I tried to act interested in his books and poetry, but I was bored to tears. One day I told him to shut up. That was the beginning of the end. Johnny always had ideas above his station. Sure he was a good servant and knew his place, but he reads too much. It is not much fun either. It was probably his mother who got him into all this, and she was no fun either.

They stopped to sit on a bench. I guess that gammy leg finally caught up with him. You'd think she'd want man who could walk properly. She was sitting far too close to him, big doey eyes full of devotion. Yes, she was a fast one, she knew how to win him over. He never wanted to sit with me, yet here he was, worshipping her. After the first few months of our marriage, he could barely bring himself to touch me, much less talk or walk with me in public. It wasn't much different behind closed doors either.

Thenhe went to Africa, leaving me all alone and near penniless. Even after he returned, things weren't much different, except his temper showed itself more often. He was useless then, a cripple, good for nothing. I'd wasted my youth on him, I had. But I had my own life and he was neither willing nor capable of satisfying me. He still acted like he was too good for me, but he was just a drunk cuckold who I conned into going to prison.. He probably thought he went to prison for me. But no, he went to prison for himself, for his honour and to get away from me. I hoped that was the end of him. I hoped he'd sink deeper into the bottle and never come back.

But he'd managed to surprise me. He became a respectable man, a valet to an Earl. There he was all well dressed, giving himself airs, almost a gentleman himself. I had heard about his new luck, and went to his mother's to see for myself. I was almost impressed. Once I would've been content with the money he offered me, but he was happy now. That would never do. If he couldn't be happy with me, he can't be happy with her. I knew how to get to him. My old friend, honour, came good again. John liked to suffer and I liked to see him suffer. He'd come into some money, and as his wife, it was my right to spend it. I'd suffered for years being married to him. He'd never appreciated me. He needed to pay the price for his indifference. So I played my hand and he came back with me to London. Away from Downton, I thought he'd forget her, but no, he was hooked good and proper. It was like living with a corpse, but one that got in my way. But at least he was unhappy. I had friends, men friends, and I had my needs. I didn't really want him, but I could not let him enjoy a life with her either. He wanted a divorce; I was happy to let him think he could get one.

He couldn't take his eyes off her. It would be so delicious to wreck their little world again. There he was, all attentive, nodding and smiling at everything she said. It was revolting. He tucked back a strand of her hair that had come loose. He pulled her closer to him, his hands softly stroking her cheek. She placed one hand over his and slowly moved his palm across her lips, kissing and lightly nibbling on his fingers. There was nothing chaste about that. I wondered. Surely they hadn't. No, he wouldn't sully her honour. He wanted to marry her, not make her his mistress. He had that look in his eyes. I could remember it from long ago. He moved towards her and kissed her on the lips. Did they have no shame?

I'd had enough of this watching and waiting. As I strode towards the bench I could see the horror in his eyes. He quickly pulled away from her, but she held on to his hands. Insolent slut.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" I smiled at them. "I would never have imagined that my dear, perfect Batesy would lead a young girl astray." I enjoyed watching their faces.

"What do you want, Vera?" he composed himself. "I have nothing more to say to you."

"Well, I do, to both of you." I looked at her. "Don't you have any shame, you hussy, wrecking my marriage and stealing my husband?"

She was made of sterner stuff than I thought. She didn't flinch. "He's your husband in name only," she retorted. "And not for very long either."

"Keep hoping, missy. You'll never have him. I'll never agree to a divorce," I shot back triumphantly.

But she kept her nerve, the bitch. "We're already together in every possible way, whether you like it or not." The tart actually stroked his arm and smiled. And then I knew for certain that he'd had her. That old devil, no wonder he was so besotted with her.

"You'll never be able to marry him. When I tell Lady Grantham about your tricks, she'll turn you out faster than you can blink."

But she continued to look straight at me. This girl was turning out to be a worthy foe.

"You can do what you like. We're going to Australia to start a new life. My uncle lives there and he's agreed to help us start over. No one there will care whether we're married or not."

I looked at John, but he face was as unreadable as ever. This wasn't good. I didn't know how I could stop them.

Then I saw the chain on her neck and the ring on her finger. It was the gold and pearl set which had been in his family for years. By right it should have been mine when we married, but the old hag kept it. And now he'd given it to her! There she was with my husband on her arm and my jewellery around her neck. I couldn't bear it.

"Get packing and get out of his mother's house," she barked at me.

That did it. She had some nerve, ordering me. "How dare you?" I charged at her and tried to yank the chain away from her neck. She tried to fight me off but I was too strong for her. Before I realised it, John stepped in front of her and pulled away my hand. I noted with satisfaction that I'd left a red welt on her neck. A dark look, that I recognised from days past, clouded his face.

"Don't you lay a finger on her," he said through clenched teeth.

"Let go," I cried and tried to free myself from his iron grip. "Once I show these marks to the police, they'll put you in again!" That did the trick.

He recovered his calm as he stepped back to stand next to her. She took his arm and he softly brushed at her neck with concern. Unfortunately, the redness was fading. Hey, I am the one with the nearly broken wrist here. They did not care about me. He turned back to me with a look of pure contempt.

"You have no choice, Vera. You can either agree to a divorce or be destitute and in prison," he informed me calmly.

I was surprised by this. "Is that so? And how do you intend to make those things come about? You can't make me do what I don't want to?" I laughed.

But he continued to look at me coolly with a strange confidence. "Let's see then," he drew it out, "you remember Topsy the spiv, don't you?"

I didn't like where this was going. Not one bit. "I don't know anything or anyone," I blurted out.

"Come, come don't be so coy. You must remember tipsy Topsy, gangly chap with red hair, your one- time lover and partner in crime." John's smile had a gleam I didn't like.

"So what, he's got nothing to do with me now," I countered.

That smiled really bothered me. "That's not what he would say. He is currently enjoying the hospitality of His Majesty, at Wormwood Scrubs. He had some interesting tales to tell."

I didn't want to give anything away. Best find out how much he knows. I should never have relied on Topsy. He never could hold his tongue. He sneered at me, "Give up this pretence, Vera."

"Old habits die hard, don't they Vera? I found your stash of stolen goods hidden in the attic. Everytime I looked there was a bit less left. I mentioned it to my lawyer in passing. Turns out he's well worth his exorbitant rates." He was positively grinning now. He was enjoying this. I had to find out how much he knew before I said anything. I couldn't risk giving myself away, not now. Too much was at stake now.

"There was a major robbery at the home of Lady Susan Flinstshire. A robber gained access through a back door left accidently open near the servants' quarters. Family heirlooms and silver were taken. He must have had help on the inside,"

He looked at me with an amused smile. "But why am I telling you all this? You must already know it. After all, weren't you employed as a maid in the Flinstshire household? Surely you must have an idea who helped."

"You can't prove anything. There's no evidence left in my house and Topsy is a real man, he won't give me away!" I was mortified. He'd tricked me into saying it.

"Not your house, my dear, it's my house, and you best be out of there soon," he replied harshly.

"As for your Topsy, it is so touching to see your faith in him. He had very little choice. My lawyer has statements from him and your pawnbroker at Deptford. Once he passes those on to the police, it will only be a matter of time before they connect the dots. Topsy will fold sooner than you imagine; prison is not a pleasant place for a weak alcoholic."

He had me where he wanted, the brute. I couldn't believe it. I could have been half way to London by now.

"Topsy has always had itchy fingers . He was caught red handed breaking into a jeweller's in Bow Street. They found him drunk and stuck in the window," he guffawed. "He will probably get a few months for that. But once they find out about the Flintshire robbery, he is looking at years inside. However, if he confesses before he is charged to that robbery, he could be out sooner. They will want to know about his accomplice," he looked at me pointedly and I knew the game was over.

"It all points at you, Vera. And this investigation will uncover everything. All your old schemes and sordid affairs will come out. You haven't been as careful as you think. No judge will deny me a divorce. Be ready for a long spell behind bars."

Where did this John come from? He always tried to ignore my activities. He must have known it for a while. Why didn't he threaten me with this earlier? He always had this queer sense of honour and fairplay and would not use any underhand methods. That was until this hussy came along. Now he would stoop to anything to be with her, I shook my head, he was lost to me now.

She appeared to be just as surprised. She looked at him and smiled, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She didn't wait for him to finish, "I know why you didn't."

Then she turned towards me triumphantly.

"You're a thief and we can prove it now. Prepare to spend a good few months, maybe even a few years rotting in prison. A woman like you should be comfortable enough in there." The shameless little bitch smiled.

I didn't have the energy to lash back at her. I was panicky and I needed some help.

"What if the police find out about the theft anyway? I'll still go to prison," Not prison. It had worked before. "Johnny, don't make me go to prison."

"You made this mess, and it is about time you suffered for it. You have a choice, but I'm not going to wait forever. Get out of my mother's house within the week. I need to hear from your lawyer with a court date for the hearing within the next two weeks. If not, my lawyer is going straight to the police with all the evidence. The police will come looking for you eventually no matter what happens. If you cooperate, you can keep the money I gave you and disappear as you know how to," he replied coldly.

He fixed his gaze on me. "Don't try my patience, Vera. I've indulged you long enough and put up with all your shenanigans. This is your absolute last chance."

I knew it was over. He had me.

"Very well, I'll see you in court," I walked away from them. They thought they'd got the better of me. And for now they had. But I would not rest until I had my vengeance. He was no longer just the John Bates of years earlier. He had a new-found strength: her. Yes, she was his biggest strength. But she was also his biggest weakness.


	14. Chapter 14

**_Apologies for the long delay in publishing the next chapter. My excuse is a long holiday and general procrastination. Anyway, I hope you can catch up with the story. I hope to publish the forthcoming chapters sooner rather than later. As always, thanks to ephoard and look forward to your reviews. Just to refresh matters, the last chapter ended with Anna leaving John and coming back to Downton. There is an exploration of her feelings and her interactions with other people in the house._**

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><p>Yesterday evening I returned to Downton after two weeks away. In those two weeks, my life had changed forever. I was tempted to stay with John and never return. His lodgings may have been small and sparse, yet it felt like I was living in a dream world. But the real world for me was back at Downton, for the present time anyway. I had lived in this world for years, working and living a contented life, though now I knew that the only life for me was with John. We had to work and live separate lives till the dream could become a happy reality. We could finally think about the future as something solid and real<p>

Downton was the same, the same people, same work, same squabbles and the same banter. Downstairs, the maids, footmen and the kitchen staff were all rushing about, cooking, cleaning and attending to upstairs. Mr. Carson was ordering people around and fussing about the arrangements for breakfast. There was a lot of work to do and Mrs. Hughes kept finding more. Ethel was complaining, Thomas was being lazy and Miss O'Brien was being herself. Two weeks ago before I left it was the same. Except then, I was heart broken and gloomy. Now I was happy, happier than I had ever been. Even so, in some ways it felt good to be back at work, to be useful. There was so much to do since I had been away, and I didn't want to let Mrs. Hughes down.

My life had been turned upside down in the last two weeks and yet no one here knew. I wanted to shout out loud, tell them, but I kept at my work. I worked to keep the smile off my face and focus on my tasks,. but my thoughts kept drifting back to John. I pulled the necklace out from under my dress to run my fingers over it. A few years ago, I had imagined that Downton would be my life, but now I couldn't wait to leave it and start my life with John. I was so caught up in my thoughts, that I didn't notice Mrs. Hughes walking past me.

I hastily hid the necklace back under my dress and turned towards her, trying to look busy. I wondered if she would scold me for being slow. Fortunately she was smiling at me and I was instantly at ease

"Anna, it's good to have you back," she said kindly as she stopped briefly next to me

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes," I smiled back. She carried opened the linen cupboard and started making notes in her small book.

"Looks like this holiday has done you a world of good. You look refreshed," she continued.

"Yes, it has, very much," I nodded.

"How is everyone at home, is your mother keeping well?" she enquired. She had met my mother a few times and always asked after her.

"Well, she has her ups and downs, but nothing too serious. She sends her regards," I added.

"How is Mr. Bates?" she casually slipped it in as she closed the cupboard and made another entry in her book.

"He is ..." and then I realised she had caught my secret. She was a wily old fox. I couldn't help smiling, "He's well, very well indeed."

"I heard he was back in Yorkshire," she said walking back towards me. I wondered how she knew, but there was no reason to hide it from her.

"Yes, he's working at a pub in Kirby Moorside," and without prompting I added, "I went to see him to talk it out with him."

"My dear, I'm happy for you if you've been able to clear the air, but be careful. He's still a married man, isn't he? Is it wise to get tangled again?" I knew she meant it kindly.

"Yes, he is still married," and didn't I know it. "He left her in London to be closer to me. He's trying to sort out his divorce and he's spending every last penny to get rid of her." I was bothered by her word tangled and what it suggested about me and John..

"He's an honourable man and he loves you very much, but there's such a thing as being too honourable for one's own good." I was glad that she had such a high regard for John.

"Yes, and now he understands that. God willing, he'll be free in a few months." I hoped to convince her as well as myself. Despite everything, I still felt that Vera would make trouble.

She smiled at me. "I hope so too, Anna, very much hope so. We will miss you when you leave here."

I would miss Downton too, especially Mrs. Hughes. She had always been so kind to me. She walked away and left me to my work. I was surprised by how quickly she could read me. I hadn't realised I was so transparent. She had always been strict but fair, and had taken good care of me since I started work at Downton as a young girl. I had always valued her opinion. When John first arrived, she was one of the first people to appreciate him. It had made me respect her all the more.

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><p>In the evening, I made my way to Lady Mary's bedroom as soon as she rang. Lady Mary and Lady Sybil were sitting on the bed chatting. As I greeted them, Lady Sybil smiled broadly and enquired about my holiday. Lady Mary simply looked at me with a raised eyebrow and her lopsided smile. I would forever be in her debt. She had found John's whereabouts and had sympathised with my plight from the start. As Lady Sybil left the room, I began working on Lady Mary's hair.<p>

"So, it looks like your mission was successful," she said with a smile.

"Yes, very," I replied.

"How is Bates?" she continued.

"Very well, milady," I answered.

"Oh, come on Anna, tell me what happened!" she impatiently demanded as she gave herself the once over in the mirror and turned towards me expectantly.

I laughed at her impatience. I gave her some of the details of John's new situation and our plans, but she wasn't satisfied.

"There's obviously more. I want to know what has put this enornmous smile on your lips and this glow on your face," she turned back to face the mirror.

I knew I was blushing. Her face looking at me in the mirror changed dramatically.

"Anna, you didn;t, did you?" she looked back at me incredulously.

For a moment, I was worried, but then this was Lady Mary. I smiled and blushed again as she turned to face me.

"Bates turned out to be a real dark horse," she laughed out loud.

Then her face darkened slightly, and she solemnly said, "You have to be careful, Anna. However much you trust him, you aren't married."

"I know," I looked down, "but I didn't want to wait any longer," I said with feeling. "We've waited long enough only for her to come back and create more misery."

"I understand," she nodded, "but you still need to be careful not to..."

Just then Lady Edith entered. "Careful about what?" She looked back and forth between us before Lady Mary looked at her imperiously and snapped, "Careful about being overheard and snitched upon."

Lady Edith was ready to reply with a barb of her own before I interrupted, "Would you like me to do your hair before dinner, Lady Edith?"

"No," she huffed and sat on the bed.

I sighed. I was fond of Lady Mary and recognised that her haughty front was just that, a front. She could be difficult at times, but she had a good heart.

On the other hand, I never really knew Lady Edith. She was always distant from the staff. In a funny way, I always felt a bit sorry for her. She seemed to never be sure of her place in the house.

I finished my work and as I moved to leave the room, Lady Mary smiled at me warmly, "I'm glad for you Anna."

I could see Lady Edith was puzzled, but this time she held her tongue.

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><p>Today was a long day and I was grateful to finally reach my bed. As I prepared for sleep, it was then that I missed John most keenly. When we were together, we would prepare for bed together, helping each other out of our clothes and snuggling up to each other. Sometimes we would talk, sometimes we would just lie there silently. The last few nights were more eventful as we sought each other hungrily. After that, we would soon fall asleep, relaxed from our exertions. The comfort and being held in his arms as he would curl himself along my back, the warmth of his chest as I rested back against it, his warm breath on my neck were all missing. If I was restless, he would stroke my hair, kiss my shoulders and neck and soothe me with till I fell asleep. I tried to create that feeling by drawing my sheets closer and hugging myself tightly, but it was a poor imitation. I wondered what John was doing now. Reading, most likely. I liked to drift to sleep with his voice reading aloud. I loved the feeling of his chest as it vibrated, the soft, low sound of his voice, and the feeling of his warm breath on my skin.<p>

Just as I was drifting off, Ethel entered the room and banged the door shut. I woke with a start. She looked at me, waiting for a reproach, but I just wanted to sleep.

"Are you sleeping?" she asked needlessly.

"I was," I replied pointedly.

She was too thick to notice and sat on her bed, flipping though a magazine and griping about O'Brien and Mrs. Hughes. Now more than ever, I wished I was with John, so that I could sleep peacefully. My thoughts drifted towards his divorce and our forthcoming marriage. I needed to introduce him to my family. The sooner the better. Maybe on one of our next days off, we could go to my village.

I didn't know how long I would be able to live away from him. I'm sure he felt the urgency as well. Otherwise he wouldn't have threatened Vera with prison. I was glad that he had finally reached that point with her. He had pushed her till she realised she had no option but to agree to a divorce, but even so... I didn't want my thoughts before sleep to be of Vera. My mind drifted back to John. It was difficult to leave him. For a moment, I had wavered at the bus stop looking at the longing on his face. But he gathered himself and urged me to return to work. As I looked back at him from the window of the bus, I knew that it would be a long while before we would have a chance to be together as freely as we had been for the last two weeks. We would only have my half days to meet. The nights would be lonely and waking up in the mornings would only be lonelier.


End file.
